SATICHE - 0765

Silicon Valley Slang

Academic Placenta --- The last of one's academic ideology that exists in your first years as a professional in the real world.
Angry Garden Salad --- A poorly designed user interface where one action on it produces an odd graphical effect on other parts of the display without much understanding.
Authortisement --- Presentation given or book published that is a subtle plug to hire the author as a consultant. This is often done with the "New Technology Seminars" around Silicon Valley.
B.A.D. (Broken As Designed) --- A product fails to perform as expected, because the company making it intentionally did it that way (either from misunderstanding, or on purpose) e.g. Windows 95's auto-redial being limited to 100 redials.
Banana Problem --- What you call something that you don't expect will take a lot of effort for less technically-knowledgeable types (i.e. big dumb gorillas) to handle. Usually referred in increments of bananas such as "One Banana" for very easy and "Two Banana" for typically easy. Example: "What's taking them so long to do that upgrade? That's a two banana problem at most."
BCBS (Big Company, Big School) --- A project or relationship between a high profile company and school usually trying to suppress any small, independent development. The majority of the work produced is akin to the last two letters of the abbreviation. Example: "The result of the Boeing/ MIT project was just a bunch of BCBS!"
"Big Banging" --- Creating a single product which takes in features of two or more products. This is true especially in software. It is considered one of the most challenging efforts in engineering. Example: "After the buyout, we are now 'big banging' the two flagship products into a single release."
Bloatware --- 1) Software that has had excessive features that a minority of users access. Usually happens on the third major release of the package. 2) A software package that comes with demos of other software packages making the installation process longer.
Boat Anchor --- Computer so obsolete, It no longer Serves a purpose (i.e. Apple III's)
Booboo --- Someone just out of college, especially an engineer, placing too much reckless artistic flair or academic emphasis in commercial development. This usually shows one does not have real world economic factors in mind. Example: "The engineering crew is now a bunch of Booboos writing design specs after the stock options fell through last month." Origin: The cartoon character Yogi Bear's younger bear friend. See also NCG
Buzzword Specialist --- Someone who knows and can impress management and customers with an astounding knowledge of industry buzzwords, but has no real working knowledge of the technology. See also Marketing Puke
Cappuccino Sipper --- Someone with too much pure academic / theoretical development background. They see software being an entity on its own without any immediate implementation. "Cap. Heads" usually work with lots of CASE tools, statistical analysis packages and an excess of graphical visualization tools (usually running on very powerful and expensive workstations). They prefer languages like: SmallTalk, LISP, pure ANSI C++ and (of course!)experimental programming languages. One considers the actual product to be someone's else's work that "... just makes the theory into reality."
Chartware --- Software that exists only on an overhead projector and the mind of the presenter.
Chat-fly (a.k.a. Cyber-barfly) --- A lady who hangs out in on-line chat rooms sweet talking others to buy her time to keep on-line. Operates in a similar manner to ladies hanging out at bars and having others buy them drinks.
Cluster F**k --- many things going wrong at the same time resulting from one action.
Code 18 --- An error made by the user. Refers to 18 inches from the computer display. A synonym for PEBCAK
Command Line Weenie or Liner --- One who prefers using the command line instead of Point 'n' Click.
Compile Time Activities --- Anything done while waiting for code to finish compiling.
C.R.A.P. --- Stands for Cheap Redundant Assorted Products. Time and time again you see a bad product do well even though there is a product on the market better in every way but costs 5% to 15% more. The cheaper product does better since the market has little knowledge of judging it's quality so the cheaper / inferior product sells better.
Critical Path --- The task of a project that is an absolute to get it finished. It is like a self warning from a someone deeply involved in a project and cannot be disturbed. Destruction will happen if anybody dares to enter their office/room. In many outfits, it is used as a way to warn people not to disturb AT ALL!!!!!!
Curry --- A really in-demand and innovative technique or technology. This term mostly used when it is being used to something of much larger scope. Example: "That new kernel modification was just the curry needed to meet the new specifications." Origin: Refers to the original root of this word being "spice mix".
Dead Tree Edition --- A paper hardcopy of a report.
"Deadfish, Idaho" --- A fictional American mid-west town that is viewed to be the worse-case condition market spot for mass produced products. It is know for several qualities like: very "normal" and typical people without imagination nor innovation, anyone with creative ability is feared and small independent efforts of any type are considered "cult". It is also source for some of the most innovative talent in Silicon Valley that left since they were feared and thus invalidated by the status quo of the town. Example: "Well this interactive CD is a great product, but how are we going to package it so it isn't burned in the parking lots of Deadfish, Idaho."
Demo Monkey --- When a marketing puke has to demo a product, but hasn't a clue how it works, s/he will recruit a programmer or QA Puke to run a demo. After awhile, the better demo givers are called Demo Monkeys by the Suits
Down Time --- A term that originally came out of the industrial era and mean that the machine was broken and so one couldn't work. Now it means that the network is so slow it takes at least 15 minutes for my favorite Web page to show up; might as well be at the beach doing something productive.
DRI --- Directly Responsible Individual. Usually said as in, "The DRI for product release."
Drowndex --- an convention that is so large and organized, no real innovations are presented, only incremental improvements.
Drump --- (dumpy lump) typically, a middle-aged, pot-bellied, sexually frustrated, single person who has given up on dating. They have accepted a life of living alone for only one's career and personal hobbies.
"Enabled" --- A yuppie management term that means someone has been given the necessary resources to perform a task.
The (Evil) Empire of the North --- Any big software company in the Pacific Northwest who takes pot shots at Silicon Valley.
Extended Beta --- The Production Release will be 'Real Soon Now'.
Facer --- anyone, most commonly a salesperson or public speaker, that is able to wax interest to create a positive reaction to the one they are talking with at any moment. They are very good at not having their intention or own feelings chalk up the scene.
FCS (First Customer Ship) --- to many investors, when a company becomes real buy shipping a product for the first time.
"the Five and Dime" --- refers to American telephone area code510. It covers the east San Francisco Bay area, most notably Oakland and Berkeley, and is commonly used by telco and telcom workers.
Forced Coolness (or Forced Hip) --- an artificial company image that makes them appeal to the "younger, with-it generation" when in fact the company's culture and/or management are definitely not that style.
Forced Downgrade --- demoted (usually from executive level job)to a totally meaningless job or position with the intentions of the person being forced to quit to avoid contract disputes or other litigation.
Four-O-Four (404) --- Isn't where you are looking for it. Origin: the error code given to a web browser when the requested page isn't found.
F.Y.I.F.V. --- Acronym ("F**k You! I'm fully vested!") A very common term in Silicon Valley Start-ups. Means that ones holdings are totally held without any penalties off loosing it if they leave the company. In other words, they are rich.
F.R.E.D. --- Acronym (F**king Ridiculous Electronic Device)used to name your computer or answer machine or what ever electrical device you have a found affection for.
"G word, the" --- Among programmers, refers to the goto command which is commonly associated with bad programming form and spaghetti code. Almost a taboo to use.
Geeking, Double --- using two computers at the same time. Hence, triple geeking is using three computers at once.
Generation (what kind of hacker you are) --- First Generation hackers (born 1950 to 1969)usually have one word handles (i.e. Stealth, Sunspot, Matrix) , second generation hackers (born 1970 to 1989) have two word handles (i.e. PhiberOptic, Snake Lord, Acid Run) while the baby hackers (born after 1989) are using phrases to describe themselves (i.e. Enter the Night, Midnight LightningStroke and Reaching for Stars).
Genius Killer --- an executive that tries to suppress innovation for fear that it will interrupt cash flow of an established product.
"grepping" --- to search for something in a very methodical manner. Origin: from the Unix line command grep (short for "get repetitively"). The command would search through a bunch of files looking for specific string in them.
"hacker type" --- an undisciplined engineer that does technology for ones own idle curiosity and fulfilment.
Hacking --- quickly completed without much understanding to apparent short term results.
Hand Holding --- Tech support done solely to give a customer confidence about what they are doing. They already know how to do something but they just want to have someone around with more experience to relieve pressure of being the most knowledgeable one in the group. Example: "Flying to the plant for the new unit was just hand holding since they already have been trained how to use it.".
Hand-Off Manager --- Doesn't complain when you get in late, and allows you to do the project "your way" since he respects your abilities and knows you'll get it done ahead of schedule if just left alone. A lot of the time, if you get a manager like this, you might wonder if you even have a manager.
Hands-On Manager --- A manager who still does a little coding just to keep in touch with reality.
High-Visibility Position --- If you screw up, you'll get fired and everyone will know. Be careful about accepting jobs that are described using this term.
I/O Error --- Error cause by an I gnorant O perator. A technical support term to label such operator in conversation. It sounds like a computer thing, but we're really saying, "Hey, an Ignorant Operator." in discussion. Origin: Name sake of the term meaning Input/Output Error.
I-d-10-t error --- (Otherwise known as the idiot error) When a 'puter illiterate whines that something isn't working because either A) It's not plugged in. or B) it's not "Exactly" the way it looked yesterday.
"In the Stocks" --- 1) Having a job or assignment where one has to be on the company's site for a full 40 hour week. Typically to one that is used to "off-site" jobs. 2) Moving from contracting to a full time, salary position for career "safety". Example: "Ever since coming back from that trip back east, she's been 'in the stocks' to finish up the project."
"In the Zone" --- One who so busy at writing software or any other development effort, they completely shut out all other communication in the process by putting all of their attention to it.
Initiative --- Deliberately disobeying a destructive order from your manager and being right in the long run (like the original Mac engineers who put in a greater RAM capacity than Steve Jobs permitted).
Kid Sibling Management --- A style of decision making where one almost always follows the logic of the person whom the manager replaced. One does not use their own experience, if they have any, and solely follows position precedents. Origin: Akin to one acting like a big brother or sister since oneself is not established enough.
Lasagna Syndrome --- writing a piece of software with too many dialog boxes over-lapping each other to complete a task.
Legacy Media --- 1) the "old press" as in radio, television but especially newspapers. 2) anything on web sites that follows media presentation styles of older medias to much restricting the capability of the media it is presented upon . Example: That is web site is so legacy media in form since it reads like a newspaper. 3) something that is presented where the receiver is not contributing to content and is totally passive
Lemming --- 1) an executive or company in general that only produces products solely on a customer demand basis without taking any initiative to lead product innovation. 2) a poorly responding or falling mouse.
"Let's Discuss That Off-Line" --- A term typically used in the middle of a heated meeting. It usually means there is someone in the room and it's easier to talk behind their backs. Be concerned if you're the one who's not invited to this "off-line discussion".
"a Little Short On RAM" --- A reference for when one does not possess the mental capacities that are required for the task at hand.
LOPSOD --- Short for "Long On Promises, Short On Delivery". A product with a lot of hype and not living to its created expectations upon shipment.
Loser Error --- Errors caused by a user who blames most of their work related problems on the computer.
"Losing Our Virginity" --- Refers to the first time you gave up equity in the company to a VC investor.
Lumpy --- an overweight, over-intellectual, introverted person who hangs out at trade shows and sci-fi conventions. Usually turns into a Drump in later life.
"Magic Smoke" --- The substance you see escape out of computers right after they stop working. In actuality, it is the electrical hardware burning out. This condescending joke has come about to explain to the naive that there is "magic smoke" inside the computer chips that is placed in there during manufacture that makes it all work. That is why there are so many big tanks by semiconductor fabs. Those tanks hold the "magic smoke" for the chips.
Management by Spreadsheet --- Very mindless and irresponsible decision making where one's data comes solely from poorly weighted statistics; usually from a general purpose statistical package. Example: Someone is laid off because they have the highest salary in the group. By the spreadsheet, a savings is made. In reality, the productivity of the groups falls since the most productive, thus cost effective, person is lost.
Meeting Engineer --- A person who spends more time in meetings than doing actual work. Those who fall into this category usually have either out-of-date technical skills or none in the first place. This person will tend to complain about how they never have time to get any work done since they're in meetings all the time.
Middles, Three Deadly --- These are in order: middle manager, middle class and middle aged. In most cases, one out of three is unavoidable. If you get two out of three, it should be of concern. Three out of three -- Panic!! -- and make sure you get something out of your mid-life crisis.
Middle School Dance --- A condition where two pieces of equipment are both waiting for the other to initiate communication thus resulting in no exchange at all. This occurs mostly during peer-to-peer system integration or software networking. Origin: Reflects typical adolescent school social where everyone is so self-conscience, no one will initiate by asking someone to dance.
Milker --- a consultant or contractor who pulls out a task over an unneeded length of time solely to get more money without continually adding value.
Marketing Puke --- anyone, not necessarily a marketing person, who lacks a fundamental understanding of a product or market and works solely off buzz-words, catch phrases or analogies. See also Buzzword Specialist
NCG --- (New College Graduate) typically a very impressionable person on their first professional job with a great deal of zeal and willingness to do anything.
Nerve Center --- the place in the company where the most communication and decisions occur to make it run.
Network Pirate --- Someone who harasses other people on the network, usually within a company's LAN, just to get their jollies. This person will brazenly look at other peoples' files (if not password protected), and generally do obnoxious things, such as sending unwanted sound files to your computer at the most embarrassing of times.
"Nine to Five Code" --- Software that is ordinary and plain. It has not real innovation and just gets the job done. Origin: Notes the time of day that it is written on a regular business schedule.
"Out of the Garage" --- A very Silicon Valley term denoting a company has moved into its first real office and is now "professional". To this day, many high-tech companies start in residential areas and then move to an office where resources are more accessible (i.e. data-lines, office floor space, storage, etc.) as they grow. Origin: The Garage that Hewlett-Packard was started in Palo Alto, CA during the 1930's.
Overgrad --- Someone in a full-time, salaried professional position that still uses academic politics and attitudes. The core of this attitude is the mistake of assuming popularity make for career progress. Examples of these actions are: expressing concern in strong voice while not having ability nor actions to follow through, false affinity for others to forward themselves and using ones personality and charm to forward their position without any personal production. Good executives are able to identify and layoff these types when productivity stops. Origin: From the phrase "Not over graduation yet."
Parade --- travelling over long distances to demonstrate products.
PEBCAK --- Stands for "Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard". Acronym slang for idiot operator errors used by tech support people trying to make it sound sophisticated to the user.
Pencil In --- tentatively planned but no commitment made.
Pin Bender --- Shoddy Technician
PITA Fee --- An "extended service fee" or "additional delivery cost" added on a bill or invoice done when the customer has been a total" Pain in the A*s"
Ponytails --- Refers to those in creative/art director positions. They are mostly seen in design, post-production, game and entertainment business in or around Silicon Valley. Example: "Well, here's the script, let's run it by the ponytails".
Prairie Dogging --- The event of everyone in their cubicles to get out of their chairs, stand up on their toes and peer over the tops of their cubicles to see what is happening. Usually comes from a big fight or something of the same magnitude. You usually just see a lot of other eyes and foreheads if you're one of the "prairie dogs".
Pro-Active --- Much overused term in Silicon Valley. This means that one should handle situations before they turn into flaps, although it is all-too-often used by managers to "delegate" work to subordinates that they themselves should actually be doing.
Profile-digger (a.k.a. Cyber-golddigger) --- A lady who goes over on-line chats, personal bios and profiles of services like AOL, Matchmaker, Well, CompuServe and others for the sole meaning of finding a single, rich man to latch-on to and spend their money in a one way relationship.
Programmer's Butt --- Also called "bubble butt" outside of the high-tech field. This is what programmers get from long hours of coding combined with using pizza as their staple food. Shows why programmers must occasionally enjoy the fresh air or join a health club.
QA Pukes --- What software engineers sometimes use to refer to their Quality Assurance (QA) department. Testers and QA personnel often get no respect at a lot of the high-tech companies in Silicon Valley since the software engineers consider themselves technically superior to QA and because the QA folks have been known to find bugs at the most inopportune moments, like two hours before Golden Master.
Quadruplitory Development --- The phenomenon of four different engineers being assigned to the same task, in complete ignorance of each other.
Real Programming --- writing software with no debugging facilities at all. Code is built up from a single, simple operation to incremental complexity 'til the desired function is achieved. Famous systems were made through this method since there were no tools yet created to debug them.
Re-Start Up --- A company who's initial business plan failed but still has the resources to change direction in attempt to survive.
RFR --- A requirement for a product to get funding for development. If a product looks like it will make you REALLY F*CKINGRICH, it's referred to as RFR and gets funded.
RFS --- Mean in a exasperated term when the product will ship REALLY F*CKING SOON. Example: "RFS, okay? Can we kill this meeting and just let me get back to programming, will ya?"
RTFM --- Stands for "Read the F**king Manual". A very common term exchanged between technical support people. This expression indicates that the answer to a problem could be found by reading the manual supplied with the hardware/software in question.
Scarecrow Technology --- A hyped-up piece of technology that when examined and used, has no uniqueness nor value other than image. Example: "That so called secret object-oriented technology was only a bunch of database requests inside a button click and ended up being Scarecrow Technology during the buyout talks."
Schedule-Driven --- A product that's going to be shipped by a certain date whether or not its ready and whether or not the QA folks approve of it.
Screen-Saver Face --- The look one gets when they have been bored to the point of just shutting off their brain.
Self-Starter --- Doesn't need orders to operate. Also means that people have enough confidence in him/her that he/she gets in when he/she feels like it (at a reasonable time, of course - say noon?).
SEP --- A term used for bug, bad business policy or other general snafu, usually implemented despite your advise, that is ignored because you are powerless to fix it. Origin: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Shareware Girl --- the one lady that is everybody's darling.
Sheeple --- Short for "Sheep People". 1) Groups who reactively act from saturation advertising, fads, trends and need to go along with the crowd. 2) Those who let "group think" affect their decisions insteadof their own individualism. 3) The nickname given to those who's purchasing habits matching that of large demographics by 80% or greater.
Shelfware --- Software that is so worthless it remains in the shrink-wrapped box on the shelf above your desk.
Shovelware --- CD-ROMs that have no content organisation at all. The data was just blindly copied on and requires and excessive amount of searching to find something useful.
Show --- Trade show where products are exhibited.
"Singing 'Daisy'..." --- The final action of a computer when it is being brought down for good; most notably for large miniframe or mainframe computers. Origin: The scene from 2001:A Space Odyssey as the HAL computer was being shut down and it was singing "Daisy".
Skeet --- A handheld device or small desktop unit either so faulty or obsolete that it is only good for skeet shooting (e.g. akin to clay ducks thrown in the air for shotgun firing practice). Example: "Ever since the release of the Newton 2000, the old 100's are skeet."
SLIRK --- Stands for "Smart Little Rich Kid". A very bratty, pretentious, young child with great technical prowess using daddy's money for "toys." These types become either fantastic entrepreneur / engineers or totally renegade, technical criminals upon becoming of age.
Smoke Test --- The first time electrical power is applied to a printed circuit board. If the board does not smoke from a short or overload, it has passed the Smoke Test.
Sneakernet --- When data is transferred between workstations by copying it to a floppy and walking it to the intended workstation.
Spaghetti Code --- Software whose execution path is so tangled and confusing it is almost impossible to understand. Often brought about by overuse of >the G word.
Start-Up --- a company starting from the ground up. A new name is formed, people recruited and something is created.
STBY --- Stands for "Sucks to be you". Usually said when the person you are talking to really screwed up.
Strawman (a.k.a. Strawdog) --- a proposal that everyone expects to fail but it gets your group noticed. Example: "This is just a strawman proposal to see if we can generate any interest from the marketing weenies."
"the Suits" --- After a start-up gets to a certain size, "the suits" start to drift in with the supposed purpose of expanding the company. These are the sales/marketing/finance types that wear a buttoned-down shirt and tie in a high-tech company when even the CEO doesn't. Be careful with these types around as they tend to be very political and backstabbing, motivated by money, not by the passion of technology. Example: In Apple Computer, Jobs/Wozniak were technologists and visionaries, Scully was "the suit". Similar in some ways to a Marketing Puke.
Synergy --- two or more people getting together to do a job without anyone knowing the overall skills needed.
Team Player --- An engineer with no backbone who just "yes"'es everything at a design review. Can also mean someone who gets in early and makes coffee for everyone else. The latter definition is more desirable when it is being applied to you.
Techno-Babble --- words which are specifically arranged in such a way that any educated person will see the fact that the definition of techno-babble is a "conglomeration of co-descriptive informative verbs, adjectives and nouns" To the un-educated these techno-babble phrases, like the one describing this definition, were meant to overwhelm the newbie as to resist the weak spirited in the computer industry thus creating a cult feeling to those "in the know".
Ten Dollar Solution --- Anything that works infinitely better than that "new thing" and the superior technology is at least 30 years old.(i.e. trying to follow a ballgame on a Real Audio plugin vs. a ten dollar transistor radio).
Theory Design (a.k.a. Scientific Design, Generalization Engineering, Head-in-the-clouds Development) --- An often ill-fated development method that doesn't result in a product since too much generalization and theory was used. It usually comes about when one just "stops and thinks" way too often. Thus, confrontation of reality is lost by not attacking nor experimenting with the problem. Many developers do this after a series of product failures and thus "gun shy" of implementation. Example: "Instead of just trying the different equipment configurations, he was just calling everyone he knew, formed a group opinion and delayed the project for a week. We needed to call in another engineer to recover from his Theory Design."
Think Time --- This is what a human when he/she gets an "idle event". One usually has a lot of this type of time during a long compiler or a slow network connection.
Thunk --- 1) software calling older software of a smaller word size. 2) Using an older mindset out of convenience --especially with management decisions.
"Three A.M. Code" --- Software written in a very original, hackly or unorthodox manner. It is usually innovative breaking a lot of the "rules" of good design in order to get a product shipping. See also curry. Origin: The time of day code like this is usually written.
"Throw it over the wall" --- Get your part of some project done, then pass it off to the next group that has to worry about it (or most likely, review it.) Mostly used when there is little contact or communication with the other group. Example: We'll get that new design finished, then throw it over the wall to the next group to look at.
TLA departments --- Short for "Three Letter Acronym". A department of a company that does not have any apparent function at all. Groups like this are usually created by trendy management fads.
Tofu --- made too general in use or appearance for anything specific.
Tofu Syndrome --- making software or a product so general and portable that it does not take any advantage of special features of the machine it is being run on.
Torpedo --- an unproductive person going to a rival organization, sometimes with encouragement.
Triority --- The three things your manager would have you do at once.
Uninstalled --- Fired or laid off. Example: "Jeff was here last week, but he was uninstalled on Monday."
Valley Wash-Out --- one in the high-tech business who had an established career in the Valley and moved their career elsewhere by taking: a cut in pay, a more "secure" position, or "gave up on the scene". They are easily spotted by their dramatization of how much better it is where they are and how tough it is out here.
Vapourware (or " vaporware "as you Americans spell it) --- soft/hardware that has been advertised for months but isn't available in any shape or form.
Visionary --- A term usually applied to industry opinion leaders like Steve Jobs and Bills Gate. Although it can mean someone who has the ability to see into the future and/or can envision a brilliant new technology, it usually means someone who sees the value in the work other people have done.
VRBS --- (Virtual Reality Bulls**t) any talk about a technology so far reaching, no immediate application can be created.
Waldo --- a demo given with great showmanship for a product with little innovation or creativity.
"The Way" --- 1) Having a very instant, zen-like understanding of a problem and how to solve it. 2) Possessing the ability to know how to write complex software and complete it without any rewriting or major adjustment.
Worder --- anyone who use personal computers only for writing, just like a typewriter machine.
WOMBAT --- Stands for "Waste of Money Brains and Time". Is suitable to describe a person, product or project.
"You're good." --- a very high compliment one engineer can give to another. It simply states that one's work is appreciated and you can create very well.
Zapping --- The lowest form of software programming know to mankind. It involves altering the assembly code in hex format after it has been output from a compiler or assembler. Done typically when there is a compiler bug, the proper data is not being generated or original source code has been lost. Origin: akin to static electricity "zaps". You are pretty much working at the same level as a static discharge on a memory circuit.

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